and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
