we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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