She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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