Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
