using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize