rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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