Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
