Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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