She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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