Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
