Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize