What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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