I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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