I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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