in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
