He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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