Where did you get a picture of my penis
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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