we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
