His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
