i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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