I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
