I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
