Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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