Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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