Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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