You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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