We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
