The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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