Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize