omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize