I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
