question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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