Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
