i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
