ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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