i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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