He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
