I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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