you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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