How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Everything about him screamed your future.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize