Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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