Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
