I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
