why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
