I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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