Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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