omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
