when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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