Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
