dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
