would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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