I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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