i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
