A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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