You just made me feel so damn special
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
