We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
