We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
