gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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