i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize