I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
