Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
