I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Where is the hickey?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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