there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
