I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
