the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
All the doctor said was why
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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