The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
