The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
