plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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