Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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