The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize