I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
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